My Writing: Editing Chapter 3 Once More

Okay, after almost two months trying to fix these paragraphs I think I may have finally finished correcting it. But never know with me. I might find something wrong with it again.

 

 Chapter 3: Rivals 

The minute door closed the atmosphere in the room, became extremely cold with a foul odor; of rotten food. I knew something  was  a midst.  Morganna! A sorceress who could manipulate  anyone.

Her stare did not frighten me, “Who are you?”

“I’m a distant cousin of Lancelot.” Not showing my fear.

“So, it seems.” she said seductively, inching her way towards my side.

I will not let anything happen to you!  A distant voice exclaimed.

A thin an electrical blue current shot through the side of my bed. Morganna

jumped away from my bed. 

She hissed! I looked  towards her in question as she rubbed her arm.

A knock came at the door and there stood young  brunette teenage girl. There was something awfully familiar. “Lady Guinevere, I brought thy clothing you asks for.” a young brunette teenage girl said uncomfortable.

The fake Guinevere gave me a hateful glare before turning sweet towards the girl, “Please help Sir Lancelot’s cousin with anything she needs.”  she said, “We will talk much later.”  

(I am trying to make it sound medieval. Does this work or Not? Ever had one of those day when the words just does not work right?  This is one of those days.  Need Coffee!)  Now, back to Verona and Guinevere. I mean Morganna and the young lady.)

The very thought made my skin crawl. I focus on the young girl had to be fourteen.  I was not quite sure. “I can put those on.”I said kindly.”What is your name?”

Her green eyes glared deadly towards me, “Elaine.” she said, “My Lancelot never mentions his cousin coming here.”

Lady of Shalott! “I am here for the wedding.” I said, taking the ill looking clothing from her.

She throw the ill looking dark dress towards me.

 Beer! I thought catching the dress.

Okay, In this scene I wanted to show tension between Verona and her two rivals. If I do another edit or find something wrong I will show more.

“It is ale!” A voice exclaimed in my mind.

“If you do not mind I can do this myself.”I said kindly.

“Of course, my lady.” she said bluntly, “I’ll just fix this bed.” Her eyes met mine, “The screen is over in the corner.”

I  ignored the teenager’s coldness and hurried to dress and was aghast by how low the front of the shirt was, I felt exposed.

The low v- cut shirt dipped down. If that was not worse, the skirt had a long slit down the side this was not a dress for a social event. No, this was for some Tavern barmaid. I had no intention of having every man stare my way. “Is this right?” I asked, trying to pull the cover cloth to cover the top of my chest.

©V.ROSE DEMET ™2014

 

 

I might have to come back and change some words in the top paragraph. Never know with me.  Also I am posting a second part to this post. 

 

 

 

 

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